3 Things You Need to Know About Dating in Japan

To a person born and raised in the western world, dating in a country with an eastern philosophy such as Japan can be mind-boggling. There are different traditions, different things that are determined to be appropriate and inappropriate, and different ways that the two sexes relate to one another. It’s difficult to talk about different cultures without making generalizations that may or may not be true—after all, every individual is different. Keep this in mind as you read on.

In order to be successful dating in Japan, there are some things you need to know.

1. The Japanese attitude towards sex may be more relaxed than what you’re used to. Western cultures are typically more reserved than eastern cultures; evidence of this can be found in the variety of “Love Hotels” throughout the metropolitan areas in Japan. What are Love Hotels, you may ask? Simply places for couples to go for some “alone time.”

2. The Japanese typically have a hard time with direct confrontation. If you go on a date or two with a native Japanese man or woman and then suddenly find your emails and/or phone calls going unanswered, it probably means that you’re getting the classic brush-off. Typically, Japanese people aren’t good with confrontation, so instead of cutting things off face-to-face, they’ll slip into the background and let things just fizzle out on their own.

3. If you find yourself getting into a serious relationship with a native Japanese person, realize this: His or her parents may not be too excited about your being a foreigner. While eastern society’s view of international relationships is mostly tolerated if not accepted, the older generations still tend to have issues with their children seriously dating or marrying foreigners. This is something that could create obstacles down the road for you if you find that, while dating casually, you begin to feel something a little deeper for your date.

These are the top three things you should keep in mind if you’re entering the Japanese dating scene. And remember this: While it may be a different culture, Japanese people are still just people, and the best thing you can do is treat them the way that you would like to be treated—with respect.

Katrina Robinson is a guest writer and blogger for AccessRx.com, a safe U.S. medication facilitator where customers can buy Viagra online & safely order Cialis in the convenience of their own home.

(Picture Credit: Hanami Web Inside Japan, Associated Content)

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Study kanji first thing in the morning

Try to do the kanji before you start your day.  This is recommended because if you space out 20 minutes before you leave for work or school, you know that you already took care of it and it won’t hang over your head for the rest of the day.  Personally, doing kanji during the evening doesn’t work well for me because I know that I will come up with an excuse not to finish them and I usually get tired and find it difficult to focus.

Get some kanji in your life

Expose yourself to the kanji as much as possible because they will be easier to remember and recognize if you see them alot.  If you already live in Japan, then this is easy and you can just skip over it.  However, if you don’t live in Japan then you could go to a local library and check their foreign literature section and look for some simple childrens books to peruse until you understand enough characters to read the adult books.  A book that I have found particularly useful is Read Real Japanese because it comes with a cd that helps you read along with the text.  You could also buy some manga or books from here.  A kanji poster might be nice too.

SRS

SRS is good for some people, but it is not for everybody.  It does work, but it can get tedious and the cards can really pile up fast.

Journal

If you keep a personal journal then what you could do is write a couple of sentences in Japanese everyday.  Since you are still learning there will probably be some grammatical errors, but it doesn’t really matter because the point of it is to help keep the characters fresh in your mind.  Even if you don’t keep a journal, it is still important to jot down at least a couple of sentences everyday because sometimes you will still be able to recognize the characters, but you will forget how to write them.

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1. Write annual goals and chart monthly, weekly, and daily progress

First of all, you absolutely must set a goal.  As always, you must set goals for any and everything that you want to do in order to see progress and succeed.  If you already do this, then great, but if you don’t, you really need to do this for everything in your life.  Before starting your Japanese journey, state the level of Japanese you want to have by a certain time in the future and then work your way backward to today and determine exactly what needs to be done to get there.

2. Get in the habit of daily exercise

Studies have shown that exercise benefits the brain as well as the body.  Daily exercise alone will improve you mentally, physically, and emotionally.  Exercise is especially beneficial when dealing with challenging subjects as shown in this study.  Exercising right before learning the kanji can actually help you learn them faster and retain them better, at least in my experience.

3. Expose yourself to the language as much as possible

This is something similar to what the AJATT method promotes.  Though you won’t understand it in the beginning, it does help you acquire an ear for the language.  You learn what sounds right, you learn how the Japanese really express themselves as opposed to what they tell you in textbooks.  The best part about it is that it will help you get used to Japanese spoken at native speed because that is something that many non-native speakers struggle with in the beginning.  Basically, you should surround yourself with the language as much as possible.  Obviously there will be times during the day when you will not be able to listen to Japanese, but just make sure that you listen to it whenever you can.  Just turn on some Japanese music when you work out, watch an anime or Japanese movie when you want to relax after school or work, and listen to a Japanese podcast as you use the computer or do your homework.  There is no right or wrong way to do it, just make sure you get exposed to it everyday as much as possible and then you should get the result that your looking for.

4. Get in contact with native Japanese speakers

It is always good to be exposed to native speakers whether you are in or out of Japan.  If you don’t know any Japanese people, perhaps you could talk to someone on Livemocha or Skype.  You don’t have to go out of your way to do this, but it is good if you can.  I would recommend that if you do get a chance to engage with native speakers, ask them to speak to you in Japanese only and talk back to them in English.  Make sure that they speak to you like you are a native speaker because coddling really doesn’t help you much in the long run as Japanese is not spoken slowly in the real world.  It is best to postpone speaking until you really know what you are doing because that is how bad habits are formed.

5. Just go ahead and learn the kanji as fast you can

Use any method you can to learn the kanji, but just finish them quickly because then you can focus on really learning the language.  Some people swear by the Heisig method, some people just use straight up memorization, some people have to write them a lot, and some people SRS them.  Whatever you have to do, just get them memorized so you can get to the fun stuff like reading manga in Japanese.

6. Reward Yourself

Its absolutely fine to reward yourself and take a break sometimes.  It is healthy and sometimes it can help you refocus and re-energize.  If you make it through a grueling night of kanji study, then treat yourself the next day and do something nice for yourself, even if it is not in Japanese, like watching your favorite movie in English.  This can be helpful because realistically you are not going to be able to completely remove your native language from your life, especially if you don’t live in Japan.  That is like saying you are going on a diet and you will never touch any kind of junk food ever again.  I mean who does that?!  Realistically, you are going to always have some junk food and it is alright as long as it is done in moderation and you eat healthy food for the most part.  Same thing goes with languages.

7. Get enough sleep at night

A full night’s rest does wonders for your brain and thus that will help accelerate your progress.  If you don’t get enough sleep at night then you should start doing so because it will help improve every facet of your life from learning Japanese to improving your performance at school or work.  Sleep is your brain’s way of recovery, repair, and restoration, so do yourself a favor and get some rest at night.

8. Don’t multitask or try to learn more than one language at once

In this day and age everyone is all about multitasking and doing more stuff in less time.  If it happens to work for you then by all means continue, but generally it does not work well.  Your brain is not designed to perform more than one task at once, though it is possible to do so.  Usually when you are doing more than one thing at once, you aren’t really able to perform either task very well.  For example, we are all aware of the tragic consequences of texting while driving, so we know for sure that it is not a good idea to multitask at all while driving.  A brain is able to function better when it focuses on one activity at a time, so the more you focus on one particular task, the faster you will be able to move on to the next one.

9. Use music to learn the language

Music is really one of the best ways to learn a language as long as it is music you like.  The key is to play your favorite songs a lot so they get stuck in your head and then go back and learn the lyrics to the songs.  Once you begin to sing along with it, you know the vocabulary and the grammar fits in there too.  It improves your pronunciation and it doesn’t feel like work at all, so it should be quick and easy.

10. Become accountable to someone else

Getting something done is always easier if you are accountable to something or someone else.  Learning Japanese with a friend can be good because you can both hold each other accountable.  If you don’t have a study partner then you could create a blog charting your progress, which is helpful because others are watching and waiting to hear from you.  Sometimes people get into classes or hire tutors to keep them on track.  Honestly, I’m not too keen on the classes or tutors per se, but if you really don’t have the discipline to study independently then being involved in something like that will force you to be engaged to some extent, at least.

Japanese music is plentiful and diverse.  It is really easy to find if you know where to look and who to look for.  I learned about Japanese music when I started watching anime.  At first, I would only listen to artists that were featured in anime and then I moved beyond that  and discovered a new world that practically mirrored American music.  I could find almost any genre that I liked in American music and find a Japanese counterpart to any American artist that I liked.  This is especially important if you are learning Japanese through the AJATT method because you can actually find music that you really like as opposed to just listening to any and everything you can find in Japanese.  Shown below is a brief list of some artists that I recommend for each genre and each one is a link to a video on Youtube.  This list is good starting point, but it is by no means exhaustive.  This list has some new and old artists mixed in, but trust me, the oldies are goodies indeed.

HipHop – Anty the Kunoichi, AK-69, Kick the Can Crew, Halcali, Nobodyknows+, Maboroshi, Rhymester, Twigy, Zeebra, Rip Slyme, Mellow Yellow, Yakenohara, Buddha Brand

Rnb and Soul – Tatsuro Yamashita, Kome Kome Club, Toshinobu Kubota, Jasmine, UA, Toshiki Kadomatsu, Minako Yoshida, Jamosa, Suga Shikao, Momoe Shimano, Ab’s, Jadoes, Naoko Gushima, Izanami, Iconiq,Emi Maria

Jazz – Cassiopea, The Thrill, Yoko Kanno, Orange Pekoe, Toki Asako, Paris Match, Jazztronik,

Pop – Ayumi Hamasaki, Utada Hikaru, Dreams Come True, Chaga and Aska, Crystal Kay, AKB48, Meiko Nakahara

Rock – Shiina Ringo, Tokyo Jihen, Theatre Brook, Sukima Switch, Gackt, Radwimps,

Electronica – Nirgilis, Meg, Hifana, Yellow Magic Orchestra,

Reggae – Ryo the Skywalker, Minmi, Pushim, Moomin, Munehiro, Fire Ball, Cornhead, Hibikilla

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Since your visiting this blog, it could be assumed that you have a strong interest in Japan and you may even be considering visiting or even relocating and working in Japan.  There a couple of ways to do this depending on your situation.  Regarding the college and high school study abroad programs, I would recommend some programs, but I think you would be better off speaking to a school official first and work to find a program that would be compatible with your school because some schools prefer that you participate in one of their programs instead of one with an outside organization.  Before reading this article, just remember to thoroughly research any and all opportunities and programs before you go and know exactly what you are getting and that goes for ANY country you want to go to.  On a final note, if all else fails you could just study Japanese independently and save up for a trip to Japan.

High School Student

If you are in high school your options are limited, but there are a couple ways to do it.

• There are some study abroad exchange programs at some high schools that will allow you to go to Japan and have a homestay with a Japanese family while attending a school in Japan.

• There are summer programs that allow you to study abroad for a couple of weeks and learn the language.

College Student

As a college student you will have even more options available to you depending on your financial resources.

• As a college student you could actually attend a Japanese university if your Japanese is good enough and you have the financial resources to do so.  Many Japanese universities have an English version of their website and it will give instructions on how foreign students can apply and attend the college.

• If you are attending a university outside of Japan, you could still get into an exchange program where you attend a Japanese university for a year or a semester.  These programs are generally very good, but just make sure you know how your credits will transfer and make sure that you will still be able to graduate on time.  Though these programs can be expensive as well, there are scholarships and grants that may lessen the financial burden.

• Again, there are also summer programs that allow you to go to Japan for a couple of weeks and learn the language.

• As always, you can visit Japan on your own or with friends and family or enroll in Japanese courses at school or study independently.

• A final option would be to apply for an English teaching job upon graduation through JET Program or a slew of private companies that hire English teachers.  However, be aware that you must have a bachelors degree to obtain decent and stable employment in Japan.  If you want to teach English, it does matter what you majored in, but you just need a degree.  This is because a work visa is hard to get if you don’t have a degree, but it is still possible if you have a certain amount of work experience or have a special skill set that is lacking in Japan.  Though there are some people that have been able to get by in Japan without a degree, it is not recommended because your options will be very limited and it may be difficult to make ends meet.  If you are serious about working or relocating to Japan in the future, you should just stay in school and finish your degree because it will give you more options and access to better employment opportunities both domestically and abroad.

Adult Professional

As an adult professional, you pretty much have all of the options available and then some depending on your level of education and experience.

Marriage

If you marry a Japanese citizen, then you will automatically qualify for a visa that will allow you to stay in Japan, so you won’t have to worry about securing a work visa.

Arts and Entertainment

If you are an entertainer, musician, artist, and etc. then you can apply for a special visa that will allow you to work in Japan, so this is one area where you don’t necessarily have to have a degree.  There are quite a few foreigners working in the entertainment industry in Japan as there are some in movies, tv, music, and professional wrestling.  There are some artist fellowships that allow you go to Japan like this one.

Teaching English in Japan

Teaching English is an option as you can apply to the JET Program or apply to work for private companies that offer English classes in Japan (Eikaiwas).  You can do this as long as you have a degree as I said earlier.  You do not need to know Japanese to work as an English teacher in Japan, but knowledge of Japanese would definitely make your life easier.  CELTA and TEFL certification is not usually required, but it could make you more marketable.  Some English teachers also teach private English lessons as well.

The JET Program

The JET Program is sponsored by the Japanese government and it will give you a position at a public school where you will work as an ALT (Assistant Language Teacher) and they arrange your housing and give you a salary of roughly 300,000 yen per month or 3,600,000 yen per year.  It is certainly an salary that will be more than comfortable for a single person as it will cover your basic expenses and leave you with some many for shopping and traveling.  The contract lasts for one year, but it is renewable for up to five years.  If you happen to be fluent in Japanese, you can be a CIR (Coordinator for International Relations), which pays roughly the same amount of money and you will work with the local government and act as a community liaison of sorts and perform a number of activities.  Although this one is rare, you could apply to be a SEA (Sports Exchange Advisors) and coordinate sports events and etc.  The JET Program is definitely one of the best ways to get to Japan, but just be aware that many of their placements are in rural or semi-rural areas, so don’t expect to be placed in the middle of an urban center like Tokyo or Osaka.  For more information about the JET program you can go to their official website here.  It would also be good to hear about the experiences of former JETS on Youtube or read some blogs about it, so I recommend checking out MyArgonauts videos and blog because he walks you through the entire application process and tells you exactly what to expect once you get to Japan.  The program has become a lot more competitive in recent years, so just make sure that you have a backup plan in place if you don’t get in.

Eikaiwas

Teaching English for a private school is another option.  There are a number of companies that hire English teachers such as Interac, ECC, Westgate, and AEON.  There are more even more schools as well, but those are some of the most well known.  In general, they pay around 250,000-300,000 yen and they will usually help you find housing and sometimes they may pay for your ticket to Japan.  For some of the larger schools, you can complete the entire application process and secure the position domestically and then they will fly you out to Japan at their expense.  This is also a good way to get to Japan, but the market for English teachers has changed over the years and it has become more competitive because there are so many English teachers already there and it is also less stable as some well known eikaiwas like NOVA have gone bankrupt in recent years.

Teaching at an International School

If you have a degree and a teacher certification from America, Great Britain, and etc. and you speak English, you may be eligible to teach at an international school.  There are different types of international schools, but basically you would be teaching regular school subjects such as math, science, and history in English.  Basically, you would be a primary or secondary school teacher.  These types of positions usually pay around $40K from most teachers but as you gain more experience and credentials you could become a principal or administrator earning $70K and up.  These positions are more difficult to come by than the English teaching jobs and they have also become more competitive, but they pay more and they are generally more stable.  There are private internationals schools and even opportunities to teach at schools on military bases.  For more information, I recommend checking out the International Teacher, Search Associates,Teachanywhere, and International Schools Services.

University Teaching and Research

If you have a masters degree or a phd, then you may able to teach at a Japanese university.  These positions generally pay well and offer some good benefits, but the market for this has gotten more competitive.  Also, if you are in graduate school, then you could apply for some research grants to go to Japan, study at a Japanese university, or secure a fellowship.

Skilled professions

If you are a skilled professional with a certain type of skill that is in shortage in Japan, then you could easily find a job in Japan.  This could be something like computer programming, nursing, and etc.  Just make sure that your foreign qualifications are accepted.  In this case, you would probably need to know have a firm knowledge of Japanese and salaries will vary depending on your educational background and experience.

Business Careers

If you are already a working professional at a global company with offices in Japan, you could request to get a placement abroad.  This really depends on the company you work for, but in general, this is something that a more experienced professional would get, not a recent college graduate.  However, when this does happen, they usually take care of most of your relocation costs, they pay as much as you made before or even more in some cases.  It is usually a very comfortable transition and companies will usually accommodate families in this case as well.

If you are not able to transfer to Japan through your company, then there are some companies you could apply to once you are in Japan, but you might need to be bilingual.  There are jobs in translation, import and export, and yes, there are some jobs centered around anime, manga, and video games, but they are not that easy to come by.

Military Careers

Given that there are a number of American military bases in Japan, it is possible that you could get stationed in Japan if you joined the military. Being stationed in Japan is not something that can be guaranteed, but it can be requested.  This is something you would have to discuss with a military recruiter.

This is article was meant to give you some general ideas as to how to get Japan, but it doesn’t necessarily cover everything, so as always do your research and good luck.

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For those of you who are not familiar with Nico Nico Douga, it is a Japanese website that is similar to Youtube.  It features videos, music, movies, and any other type of user generated content.  However, the website is entirely in Japanese and you have to register an account in order to view videos.  This can be a daunting process for someone who is not fluent in Japanese, but there is a guide from Asiajin that will show you how to do just that.  Since most of the videos are in Japanese, this website is an indispensable tool for someone using the Ajatt method to learn Japanese because the site has a lot clips from American movies and tv shows in Japanese as well as original content from Japanese shows.